jesse_the_k: mirror reflection of 1/3 of my head, creating a central third eye, a heart shaped face, and a super-pucker mouth (Default)
[personal profile] jesse_the_k
Mia Mingus has written another short, powerful essay on interacting with nondisabled people. She examines how we are forced into intimate interactions because we are disabled.

begin quote
Forced intimacy is a cornerstone of how ableism functions in an able bodied supremacist world. Disabled people are expected to “strip down” and “show all our cards” metaphorically in order to get the basic access we need in order to survive. We are the ones who must be vulnerable—whether we want to or not—about ourselves, our bodyminds and our abilities. Forced intimacy was one of the many ways I learned that consent does not exist for my disabled asian girl bodymind. People are allowed to ask me intrusive questions about my body, make me “prove” my disability or expect me to share with them every aspect of my accessibility needs. I learned how to simultaneously shrink myself and nonconsensually open myself up as a disabled girl of color every damn day.
quote ends


https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2017/08/06/forced-intimacy-an-ableist-norm

I've experienced this so many times! The total stranger who sizes me up—on the bus, on the street, in the pool: "What's wrong with you, anyway?" (It's almost worse when they begin with, "May I ask you a personal question—what's wrong with you?" Notice the lack of a pause for a reply, as well as the assumption that asking permission makes it ok.)


It's challenging to maintain my self-confidence while experiencing the assumption that my boundaries don't exist, or don't count. Self-compassion meditation helps some. Snarkiness helps some.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-08 06:17 pm (UTC)
lilysea: Oracle (Oracle: wheelchair fighting)
From: [personal profile] lilysea
The total stranger who sizes me up—on the bus, on the street, in the pool: "What's wrong with you, anyway?" (It's almost worse when they begin with, "May I ask you a personal question—what's wrong with you?" Notice the lack of a pause for a reply, as well as the assumption that asking permission makes it ok.)

and they get so snippy/rude/angry/hostile/aggressive when you say calmly and politely

"That's private."

"That's personal"

"I don't like talking about that."

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-08 07:57 pm (UTC)
sonia: Quilted wall-hanging (Default)
From: [personal profile] sonia
Thanks for the link!

Ugh, the "what's wrong with you" question. I get a taste of this when people quiz me about food or fragrance sensitivities in a way that's beyond friendly conversation. People get so *shocked* when I deny them access to my health information.

Also, *eyeroll* about the comments over there. "Please can you do more emotional labor for me?"

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-08 08:20 pm (UTC)
oracne: turtle (Default)
From: [personal profile] oracne
UGH. "What is wrong with me is you have NO MANNERS."

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-12 01:29 am (UTC)
bibliofile: Fan & papers in a stack (from my own photo) (Default)
From: [personal profile] bibliofile
The first of MANY things wrong, and the only one under discussion at the moment.

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-08 11:42 pm (UTC)
davidgillon: Dina Meyer as Oracle, sitting a manual chair in front of a clock face (Wheelchair)
From: [personal profile] davidgillon
BTDT.

Worst variation I had was "So what's wrong with you now?" (imagine a tiny drop of exasperated 'Seriously?!?' creeping into their voice).

That was from someone at work I didn't know (several thousand employees) but who I obviously stood out to, and who the variability in my impairment obviously stood out to. I may have been sharp in my reply.

I argue it's a form of infantilisation, reducing us to the same level as little Johnny, being interrogated on his day at school by any adult who feels they have the right.
Edited Date: 2017-08-08 11:43 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2017-08-09 02:56 am (UTC)
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)
From: [personal profile] sasha_feather
Fantastic article. Thank you for linking.

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jesse_the_k: mirror reflection of 1/3 of my head, creating a central third eye, a heart shaped face, and a super-pucker mouth (Default)
Jesse the K

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