The great and the good and the worry

[jesse_the_k]

I love that Dreamwidth provides a connection (when I can comment) and a view (when I can't) to the various, swirling minds of my dwircle. I learn from folks who are leaders, and those striving to become leaders, and those who struggle internally and externally.

I worry that exposing my struggles will disgust my readers. That's why I have forty drafted essays which I can't delete and can't post.

Maybe I would be better of if I gaffiated?

What calls me most these days is working with my hands. Any ideas how I could give away my store of beaded jewelry in an equitable manner?

Comments

[redbird]

I don't think exposing your struggles would disgust your readers, but I realize that me saying this probably doesn't do much against the demons of worry.

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for saying it anyway, my Slayer squad needs all the ammunition it can get.

[lilysea]

I don't think people would judge you for sharing your struggles.

They're more likely to think "Me too!" or "I thought I was the only one"

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for this. I know I've reacted the "fellow-feeling" way many many times.

[green_knight]

And sometimes it's the realisation that 'this is a thing?' where you've just accepted a certain feeling or certain circumstances as 'this is just what it is' and suddenly realise not only that other people are in the same boat, but some of them have worked out where the life jackets are stored and how to put them on.

[laurashapiro]

I think we all worry about exposing ourselves -- I rarely post anything personal, and when I do I try to make it sufficiently entertaining/valuable to folks that it stands on its own merits. And yet I don't like to think of blogging as a performance, but a way of connecting with my friends. It's tricky.

My friends who give stuff away here just post and say "I have ten things, comment if you want, the first ten commenters get them.?

Named that tune, thank you.

[jesse_the_k]

That's it! "Blogging as performance" is one element of what's worrying me.

(In a previous life, I was a social-justice musician, always sure the audience would throw tomatoes if I hadn't practiced enough. But the takeaway experience from then is, "wasn't it great to feel that surge of connection onstage!" And I've certainly witnessed that connection online.)

[sonia]

I love hearing from you, no matter what you post about.

It sounds like something in you is worried about being disgusting. You might let it know that you hear it... (And yeah, I have a similar worry, ongoing.)

Good advice

[jesse_the_k]

I appreciate how you always contribute a different perspective.

[luzula]

Yeah, being anxious about social stuff sucks. I'm not often anxious about what I post (though it's happened) but I hate when it happens in other circumstances. Anyway, I would miss you if you left!

Thanks for the kind words.

[jesse_the_k]

It is partly social stuff, and partly (as Laura mentions above) the performance aspect.

[littlebutfierce]

I totally hear you about worrying what people would think if you posted your struggles. It's a shitty feeling & definitely one I still worry about a lot! <3333

Re: giving away your jewelry, you could freecycle it? Or, you know how sometimes there are thrift shops/orgs that specifically deal w/suits etc. for people in need who are getting back into the job market & need a suit for an interview? Maybe something like that might want some jewelry, idk??

There's another world out there!

[jesse_the_k]

Your example of putting it out there supports the "keep on keeping on" part of the head debate.

I've seen "freecycle" mentioned many a time but I finally joined my local group. THANKS!

[wild_irises]

I also struggle about posting my struggles. Maybe we can find some solidarity with each other, and post some more together?

A dialog of the OLDS!

[jesse_the_k]

That's a lovely idea. I know that we share the experience of long experience (as well as many values and friends).

Will ponder topics.

[jiawen]

Your struggles are important. Both in general, and to me. I don't mind hearing about them at all. I like reading what you write. If I don't always comment, it's because I'm busy, or can't think of anything witty and original to add.

If you need to gafiate, that's something you should do. I selfishly hope you can stick around, though.

Thanks

[jesse_the_k]

...from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.

[isis]

I think we are all struggling with our own issues. Seeing the struggles of others doesn't disgust us, but only reassures us that we are all in this thing called Life together.

It is awesome that you are deriving enjoyment from working with your hands!

thanks so much!

[jesse_the_k]

Reassurance is what you've given me, just when I needed it.

[staranise]

*squints* Looks like you've got a few weasels chewing on your brain. FWIW, I think you're allowed to talk about your struggles no matter what people think, but also that most people will look at you as another person like them and be okay with it; if you want to change your hobbies to make yourself happier that's okay but your absence would make this corner of the internet a lesser place and I'd miss you; and that I am not sure what you consider an "equitable manner" of jewellery redistribution but suggest that selling it (whether you keep the money or give it away) is also a possibility, since the things you produce have value.

I deeply appreciate

[jesse_the_k]

...those points you made, and (as always) the elegant way you make them.

[capri0mni]

Disgusted? Well, I can't seriously imagine being disgusted by any of your struggles, speaking for myself.

And, echoing others, I would miss you with a pang if you GAFIA'd for long.

And if there are those in your D-roll who turn out to be the disgusted type, you can always exclude them from the filter for those posts.

And Hooray for making things with your hands! If you ever choose to post images I'd love to see them -- I like looking at jewelry, even if I never wear it myself.

[jesse_the_k]

Good point about filters. It's one of the sweetest Dreamwidth functions that keeps me in the circle.

It's nice to know I'd be missed. (Wow! I erased and typed that one a lot, but was able to leave it.)

THANKS!

[chordatesrock]

Since everyone else has already pointed out that it's okay to talk about your struggles...

Suppose someone did think that was disgusting. Suppose you bared your heart to your dwircle and someone thought that was so unacceptable that they were compelled to either unfriend you or rant at you at length and tell everyone they know to have nothing to do with you. Seriously-- what if?

Well, then that's an asshole thing to do and they would be the one in the wrong. Would you respect the opinions of someone who thought like that? Who acted like that? I wouldn't! So your Hypothetical Disgusted Person is not someone you need to worry about.

Whether you want to GAFIA is your own choice, but Hypothetical Disgusted Person should have zero input.

OUTSTANDING ARGUMENT!

[jesse_the_k]

Great point.

(It's the perfect inverse to Groucho Marx's famous thought on joining clubs)

Thanks for sliding a boot on to the foot that ejects any H.D.P. from my brain.

[firecat]

{hugs} because you sound stressed, and I wish my friend weren't stressed.

I selfishly hope you will stay here and post about all parts of your life. If you're concerned about some people not wanting to see it, would it work to make an opt-in restricted access list for those posts? And/or cut-tags.

I don't know what options exist in your area for giving away things to charities. In my area, the animal shelter I volunteer for has a thrift store, and everything I give away that's worth some money goes there. There's also the option of selling things and then giving the money to a charity.

[jesse_the_k]

{ { { firecat } } }

The many layers of access Dreamwidth affords is why I love this platform so much.

I've donated quite a few items to charity auctions, which is gratifying. I have this unfulfillable desire for all the folks I care about to need just the kind of jewelry that I wish to make for them.

There, I said it, now I can leave it behind. :,)

[davidgillon]

What they said!

I think a constant in my various online communities is that we know everyone needs space to vent about the stuff non-virtual friends don't really get. Certainly I use them to talk about disability, when I've only one non-virtual friend who gets it.

If you're worried about how we'll react to the essays/details, then maybe start by edging up to the topic or come at it indirectly and see how it goes

DW special sauce

[jesse_the_k]

As a few of the comments on this thread have reminded me, Dreamwidth offers excellent control over who sees what when: subscription filters let me click one box to expose my writing to any list I decide.

So, if ever a thing I'm discussing annoys you enough that you remember it after you closed its window, I can put you on a filter.

[azurelunatic]

The power of a good description and a cut tag is a mighty, mighty thing: more public than a private entry, and lets every person who's let in to read make up their own minds about whether that's a thing they're up for reading that day. ♥

[metaphortunate]

Yup!

[toft]

I admire you and always find what you post interesting, and I think I and your other friends on here would learn from and support your struggles! You're allowed to be weak and fearful - that doesn't make your strength a lie.

Some great tastes...

[jesse_the_k]

...that go great together:
strong, fearful
bold, tearful
manic, sleepy
well-shod, creepy
hesitating and brave.

Thanks so much for this lovely thought.

[laceblade]

I worry about this also, but you specifically let me know that you enjoy having read posts about my struggles - I bet we'd enjoy yours, too.

Yep.

[jesse_the_k]

Why is it so hard to imagine oneself with the kindness that comes so readily when one thinks of another?

FUCK IF I KNOW, says u&me.

[sasha_feather]

:) <3

i'm listening

It's better

[jesse_the_k]

knowing that you're there, listening.

Damn, sometimes that's all I need to know!

Huh, it ain't that complicated after all.

[jadelennox]

of course two things:

* You don't disgust us. Well, I can only speak for myself but the all of the people above me speak for themselves as well.
* If you have to gafiate for your mental health, or just general enjoyment of life, you do that. I'll miss you,but you need to do what you need to do.

Of course

[jesse_the_k]

...didn't seem "of course" until I posted.

and I'm so glad I did. Thanks for throwing your shiny coins in the fountain. "Dysfunctional hugging" for the win.

[metaphortunate]

I'll whine if you'll whine...?

Oh come on now.

[jesse_the_k]

You are the least whiny person I read! Even when you're (rightfully) complaining about the horrors of infantile projectile defecation, you manage to slip in cultural commentary.

But if you're inviting, I'll be supplying, for sure.

[bibliofile]

I think eveeryone else has addressed the potential-disgust issue well enough.

GAFIAte if you must, to take care of yourself. I would miss you, because this is still the place I see you most often. It's also the communication that most endures, because memory can suck and here on DW we can still go back and reread things to remind us of what we said.

So so true.

[jesse_the_k]

When I wonder what I've been up to I re-read my entries and discover that I left some notes along the way.

More importantly, the kind thoughts of my readers help buoy my spirits again and again.

Writing things down! It's such a powerful technique I suspect it could change society entirely :,)

[rainbow]

i love reading about the lives of the people i care about, both the good and the rough times. i love the connection. i would not be disgusted.

i don't know from gafiated.

*sparkles* *rainbows* and *hugs* offered

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for the sparkles, rainbows and hugs!

One of the best parts of electronic communication (as bibliophile points out above at 21) is how those of us with intermittent memories can revisit what we've said and how our readers have responded, to be warmed yet again.

GAFFiate is an SF-fan specific bit of jargon, verbing the phrase "get away from fandom". It names the sometimes-conscious desire to move away from one community, with mostly neutral emotional charge. (At least I've never heard someone complain, 'That idiot gaffiated at just the wrong time!')