boost: Schalk on Grief Complicated by Estrangement

[jesse_the_k]

Dr Sami Schalk is a disability studies scholar and professor in Gender and Women Studies at my local university. She’s been estranged from her family, which has complicated grieving seven COVID deaths. I was moved by her essay in our state’s queer monthly:

The Echo Chamber of Pandemic Grief

In retrospect, this post was when I began to make the connections between how grieving during the pandemic was reopening old wounds, echoing other forms of grief I still held: grief for the loss of family connections as a queer person which I felt even more heavily as one of the only people in my family to leave the Kentucky/Ohio area, who now literally could not return because it was (again) unsafe for me to be there; grief for my younger self who suffered so much shame in the context of my religious community, yet as an adult found deep nostalgic comfort in listening to the songs I used to sing in church even as I no longer believed in any of it. Everywhere I turned this new grief found ways to stir up old ones, all of them bouncing around loudly inside my chest.

[… snip …]

I know that all grief is slow and non-linear, but the pandemic has put a pause on certain kinds of mourning practices while keeping us in an echo chamber of collective grief. It is exhausting. I am exhausted. I feel like I am waiting for something to happen first for me to fully mourn, but I don’t know what that something is—the end of the pandemic? Seeing my family again? Going to my grandfather’s actual grave? I don’t know. I don’t know.

https://ourliveswisconsin.com/article/the-echo-chamber-of-pandemic-grief/ ​

Comments

[esteefee]

oh wow, you found the memorial service of Ioannis Papakostas, the Bishop of Kastoria, that's why many bishops at his liturgy lol. and with good voices to boot.

I used to sing in the choir, too, which got me out of those uncomfortable pews, and at my cathedral we had the most gorgeous arrangements and great call-and-response so we had to keep on our toes.

And yeah, the descending harmonic minor is a different scale than the ascending and has one different note that sounds more minor and that's why your ear perceives it that way. you can read more here: https://www.hearandplay.com/main/why-the-ascending-form-of-the-melodic-minor-scale-differs-from-its-descending-form

[cmcmck]

It's a funny thing- I grew up with a fairly high Anglican form of worship with lots of choral music which I love, but when I was old enough to choose for myself, I became a Quaker- no music and silent worship.

Works for me! :o)

Ironies abound

[jesse_the_k]

Religious music offers me (raised by committed atheists) a hint of what faith might mean in a person's life.

And the only religion I ever felt welcomed to -- was also the Society of Friends.

[esteefee]

Silent worship is a fascinating concept. There's so much going on in my brain!

[jesse_the_k]

Hmm, that explanation is intriguing!

/just back from an Orthodox Hymnody rabbit hole. Like wow, lots of stuff!

[esteefee]

If you dug that, you should check out this album:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDLr5ggKgU0&list=PLyl9uQmAZr1LUteG2sJazwmjs8s51b9Jd

one of my faves.

this is what the choir in my church sounded like in its heyday (except in Greek, and ofc we weren't quite this amazing but still.) it really made it worth it to show up.

Oooooo!

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for enabling.

Might be sacrilegious, but I'm going to try this in my auto-lullaby rotation.

Re: Oooooo!

[esteefee]

no I know!! I totally fall asleep on my couch to it all the time. Thanks, Rachmaninov! :D :D :D