The Second Arrow

[jesse_the_k]

Something awesomely good is happening in relation to the "meralgia paresthetica" I mentioned recently. Now that I know the cause is an entrapped nerve, and the result is purely sensory (no danger of losing function), my pain is much less annoying. I've managed to blunt the second arrow.

Buddha teaches that "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." This is also called the Second Arrow teaching.

The first arrow is the pain (whether it's physical or mental; injury or abuse; abandonment or shame). There's maybe zero-to-something I can do about that (drugs maybe, exercise maybe, taking breaks from computing ....)

The second arrow is the reaction to pain, the suffering. In my case: shame at being weak; fear of degrading health; despair in general. There are things I can do about that. One of them is mindful meditation, identifying and just noting the emotions -- separating myself from drowning in feeling the suffering. Another is self-compassion meditation, flooding myself with the care and concern I automatically offer others who are hurting. Another is my gratitude practice. Sharing my coping techniques is another.

I dare to think I will be finding more ways as I continue to live.

Comments

[luzula]

Huh, that's interesting. And when I think about it, one of the things about pain that makes me worry (besides the actual feeling of pain) is that it's a sign that something is breaking/going wrong in my body and if I'm not careful I'm going to make it worse. Which is a function of pain, I guess? To be a warning sign. But I can see how knowing it's not a warning sign of something could change the mental experience.

[jesse_the_k]

Right on! It gets more complicated when I attempt to apply this viewpoint to mental miseries, because loops and more loops. But I'm learning.

[capri0mni]

My mother passed that "suffering is optional" advice on to me as something she'd learned from her cancer support group.

I've found it very helpful, over the years -- especially with emotional suffering and anxiety: the mindfulness of pausing to acknowledge the source of my discomfort, and that sorrow/disappointment is a normal and perfectly acceptable response to the realization that I, and people around me, are mortal, and entropy happens to be the best of us (surprise, surprise -- who'd a-thunk it?!).

Realizing that I don't have to be ashamed of being sad makes the sadness go away faster -- you know?

[jesse_the_k]

Yes, yes it does.

(Can you imagine how lovely childhood would have been if we'd taught this when seven?)

[capri0mni]

I'm not certain that I would have had the inventory of experience, at seven, that would have enabled me to take full advantage of it...

[jesse_the_k]

Perhaps not. But knowing these techniques as I encountered the confusions of friendships, bullying, and school in general would truly have made me resilient. (A buzzword, but still useful).

[capri0mni]

Well, at least you know it now.

[metaphortunate]

I remember my friend's dad, who had been diagnosed with MS, talking about this. It sounds like one of those things that is way easier to say than do; but still, worth doing.

[jesse_the_k]

Luckily, it's way easier to do than it is to explain. Before I began, I thought I had to be this Enlightened and Virtuous Enough to even start. I was totally wrong. It's one breath after another.