My god this is ugly

[jesse_the_k]

For the last twenty years I've passed a jewelry store next to the food coop. Last week I stopped by and splurged on some earrings that were comfortable and attractive.

I splurged because the saleswoman was very talented--she could see that I would get great joy from mocking ridiculous jewelry.

#1 Most Mocked--she claimed that sometimes the employees would have contests on "which is ugliest".

Exhibit A



My hand models a statement ring in 14k gold so large that it goes from my palm to past my first knuckle, including a 40mm pear amethyst, a 12mm garnet cab, a 30mm diamond pave oval, a 10 mm round faceted blue stone, and a 9mm trillion citrine.

Comments

[sovay]

My hand models a statement ring in 14k gold so large that it goes from my palm to past my first knuckle, including a 40mm pear amethyst, a 12mm garnet cab, a 30mm diamond pave oval, a 10 mm round faceted blue stone, and a 9mm trillion citrine.

I don't seem able to see the photograph—is this my browser or your HTML?

[edit] I can see it now! It's awful.

[jesse_the_k]

Thank you--I appreciate validation from such a well-spoken source :,)

[niqaeli]

Goodness, that IS ugly as hell.

I used to watch home shopping television just to mock the ugly jewelry. We had whole categories of types of fugly. Some day I should actually capture some of that and do the whole blog series I meant to, "Wheel! Of! Suck!" Because, see, usually the ugliest stuff was on the little rotating carousels, although you certainly got plenty being sold/modeled distinctly. XD

[jesse_the_k]

Ahh, QVC is clearly its intended market.

[petra]

So, someone designed that on a dare, right? Apart from the sheer over the top aesthetic, it also looks like it would stop you from performing basic human tasks without injuring yourself.

[isis]

Maybe it was "I want brass knuckles that I can wear in public"?

[sasha_feather]

This was my reaction too!

[jesse_the_k]

Indeed, the gems are all sturdy ones, so perhaps it's truly designed to scratch Tony Stark's armor?

[jesse_the_k]

Also, weighed at least 200 grams, so would develop muscles in left wrist.

[jesse_the_k]

I imagine the dare also included a small pile of "stones we haven't been able to sell this year."

[isis]

For some reason I misread at first (and misinterpreted the photo) and thought these were five separate rings in contention for "ugliest", and I was going to say that the amethyst is a bit OTT but I don't see what's wrong with the citrine... And then I realized IT IS ALL ONE RING HPLY SJOT.

[jesse_the_k]

So complex I needed the saleswoman to wiggle on & off my hand.

[capri0mni]

Well! That certainly is a "statement."

Wow!

(Just keep that away from Thanos).

Will we get to see your earrings?

[jesse_the_k]

Next post

[capri0mni]

Yay.

[chanter1944]

Why the... would someone literally gild the whole lily field like that?

[jesse_the_k]

Totally puzzling, really. It was a remarkable feeling, though, since the efflorescence of stones means that the ring portion is only in the back. Similar to popping in an all-metal ring finger.

[laurashapiro]

...I don't hate it, but it sure isn't usable.

[jesse_the_k]

I'm glad someone likes it a little!

[cosmolinguist]

...I kind of like it actually. :)

[jesse_the_k]

Good!

The designer didn't struggle in vain.

[ismo]

Whoo hoo! Can you get a matching choker?

[jesse_the_k]

I think a matching choker would a) weigh 20 pounds and b) be incompatible with life.

[ismo]

I like the concept of a category titled "Jewelry Incompatible with Life."

[mdlbear]

I wonder what statement that thing is trying to make. Or maybe it would be better not to know.

[jesse_the_k]

"I could afford this ring."

[brainwane]

I, too, thought this was multiple different pieces of jewelry at first. Now I see how audacious and bold it is!

[jesse_the_k]

...it's crying out, "Auction me next year at the Tiptree Extravaganza!"

[chanter1944]

I wish it were five different rings; I’d be tempted by gold+blue at one fifth the... length?