jesse_the_k | Yuletide shines this year with "The snake fight portion of your thesis defense"

It must have been a tipsy IM conversation that got it nominated for Yuletide this year. All the (right now 15) fics are funny.

The source is just 600 words, published November 2010, and available here: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/faq-the-snake-fight-portion-of-your-thesis-defense

Here's the 15 fics at AO3.org:

https://archiveofourown.org/tags/FAQ:%20The%20%22Snake%20Fight%22%20Portion%20of%20Your%20Thesis%20Defense%20-%20Luke%20Burns/works

Given the premise, all make me smile. Which one tickles your funny bone?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

stonepicnicking_okapi

Omg. Fandom is a wild phenomenon. Like there being rpf fic of that guy that cheated people with copper thousands of years ago.

From:

jesse_the_k

Do you have a link or keyword?

From:

stonepicnicking_okapi

The fellow's name is Ea-Nasir. And the first written complaint ever was written to him in 1750 BC. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complaint_tablet_to_Ea-nasir

And there are a dozen works in AO3 under the ancient Mesopotamia RPF tag. Here's one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893028

From:

jesse_the_k

Mwah!

Those are wonderful! Thanks so much.

From:

jesse_the_k

an excerpt of "From the Outbox of T. R. Matthews, Ph.D." by Miss_M

Re: Re: Urgent! Religious exemption for thesis defense.
From: T. R. Matthews matthews@stsu.edu.
To: Morgen Santorini msantorini@stsu.edu.

Dear Morgen,

I understand that you are nervous about your thesis defense on Monday, but there is absolutely nothing I can do until you contact the Graduate College and submit the necessary paperwork.

As I already explained to you, physically fighting or killing the snake is not mandatory. You may trap it, trick it, put it to sleep, all of which should be acceptable under the Jain requirement to harm no living creature, but of course I would encourage you to discuss this with your guru before the defense. You are, however, not exempt from the snake fight under any circumstances, even if the term “snake fight” is somewhat obsolete and simplistic. The rules governing the thesis defense are clear, but they do allow the candidate some latitude for personal preference, temperament, degree of squeamishness, and religious restrictions.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27727000

From:

stonepicnicking_okapi

Love it!

From:

esteefee

ahhh McSweeneys. that whimsical touch I so love. <3 thanks for the tip!

From:

jesse_the_k

from: "FAQ: The biggest snake in the history of academic snake fighting" by qkind

Q: That’s not how the process goes. The worse the thesis the bigger the snake, is it not?

A: It is not. In fact if you read my thesis “Snake Fighting in the History of Higher Education: Maintaining the Status Quo” you will understand how the size of the snake depends solely on how threatened by you your adviser feels. Of course a truly bad thesis will still get a big snake; no one wants a coworker who is totally useless. But any adviser will fear for their place in the institution when they tutor an exceptionally talented student, and in the end they are the ones to decide what specimen you face. Job insecurity breeds corruption.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865734

Edited (borked quote) Date: 2021-01-03 05:43 pm (UTC)

From:

mific

Omg, thesis defence issue is esp. hilarious!

From:

jesse_the_k

...any hilarity is exceptionally rare in this context.

This one's a bite-sized thesis. From "great traditions of higher education" by ohtempora

...and finally, I'd like to thank David Anguis, who has been selecting snakes at the University of Michigan for thirty years with consummate care and utmost professionality. Thank you for letting me interview you, for sharing your thoughts, for tending to these serpents while keeping the entire History department in check, and of course, for selecting my snake during the inevitable defense of this thesis. Snake-picking may not be an exact science, but in David's hands, it is an art.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27482257

From:

peachpai

I....what???

From:

jesse_the_k

from "The Final Tribulation" by ExtraPenguin, which narrates the events as epic fantasy:

Ksora scrambled out of her chair to kneel before him. "Professor." Her heart was hammering in her throat. She'd known this was coming, but anticipation could not hold a candle to reality.

"For four years you have dedicated yourself to the pursuit of truth," Professor Saif continued. "You have discovered something new and sharpened it into a truth. Now, it is time for you to defend it. But do not think the defense ends with the defeat of the snake." He drew a deep breath. "This sword is a symbol for your fight for what you have in rigorous research found to be good, right, and true. This is not a fight that can be won, only endured. Falsehood will come at you from every quarter. There is no end to snakes that hide in the grass. The fight is hard, lonely, and underfunded. Yet it is one that must be done and the path that you have chosen.

"Ksora Azmidi. I bestow upon you this sword for the fight before you. Sharpen it like you have sharpened your mind."

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263207