Pain and a whisper but mostly theoretical

[jesse_the_k]

Been a while, but I've been amusing myself, as well as intermittent low bits. Turned my back on Facebook, abandoned Twitter after the SDS conference, spending way too much time on MetaFilter, which is beginning to annoy me in useful ways, as well as doodling away a happy hour on Tumblr posting nothing. Reading actualfax books—paper as well as e—and fanfiction, of course. Here's a sprinkling of things I've stumbled across. Ask me anything (as they say) in the comments and I'll bloviate.

I've worked as a freelance calligrapher, typesetter, and graphic designer. This cartoon beautifully, and painfully, captures the continual teeter-totter between "being true to your own self" and "getting paid"
http://the-toast.net/2014/08/13/a-cartoon-about-book-design/

I've been having more difficulty understanding speech, especially at noisy places like cons (use your mics!) and restaurants. I've also had a strange two-tone mechanical humming in my ears for the past year or so. Okay, time for a hearing test. Mostly painless: put on these headphones, play noise in one ear and words in the other, parrot back the words. But then there was
when the audiologist began making earmolds for custom-fit earplugs. She began with, this might be uncomfortable, but tell me if it hurts as she stuffed a ball of foam all the way down my ear canal to millimeters away from my eardrum. It was excruciating: I could feel my trigeminal nerve trying to shrink away from her intrusion. Then she began at the foam and squirted silicone gel all the way back out where it would be visible in the shell of my ear. It got more excruciating: as the silicone set, it expanded.

I let her know that. I said, "It hurts! It hurts!" She said, "Try to think of something else" as she began inflicting the mold on my other ear. I attempted to bat her away but she said, You might as well have all the pain at once!

That was a lesson in how to alienate prospective patients. It makes me wonder what in hell medicos mean when they say, "this will be uncomfortable, but let me know if it hurts"? Is there some level of pain which reliably causes a reflex response in humans, and therefore docs can ignore unreliable information like "Oww! That hurts! Stop that! NO."? I know that enough pain makes me pass right out. Or say if I vomit, does that mean I've crossed the line from "uncomfortable" to "hurts"? How about if I curl up on cool bathroom tiles? Or maybe when I sandbag myself with microwave hotpacks? I'm just working back from the "pain behaviors" I've demonstrated when it's hurt too much for me at home.

Anyway, the exam result is: I have

• excellent hearing in optimal conditions (cool)


• difficulty "hearing in noise" (yeah, that's why I was there)


• tinnitus (Checking just now at HearingLossHelp druglist (PDF), I'm taking three meds known to cause tinnitus in some people. Huh and


• Hyperacusis

She says wearing 29dB earplugs only makes the hyperacusis worse. (I wear them swimming and when I'm on the bus.) She's making "musician's earplugs" for me which dampen all sound equally across the noise spectrum which should "take the edge off" of the loudness of things.

Comments

[cxcvi]

1: Ow, what the fuck?

2: I've had issues picking up speech for a while, now. I've always put it down to auditory processing issues, but maybe I should have a hearing test.

3: Today I Learned that hyperacusis is not only a thing, but a word that other people might understand for a thing I experience.

[jesse_the_k]

re 3: I was similarly delighted/horrified that hyperacusis exists. Of course this audiologist had zero ideas for handling it, except not wearing earplugs. Um.

[heyfoureyes]

Hey, can I ask -- what did you miss about Facebook? I think about leaving the net so often, yet I then hear from others about how not seeing people on the web means that you won't see them at all.

The ear-gel thing sounds scary. I'm honestly glad, that after all that at least it will be put to good use in making you that superior earplug.

[jesse_the_k]

FB:

What I missed most is that, in advance of a conference, I was able to make nodding acquaintances with folks I would be meeting. Dramatically increased my social circle at the conf, and decreased my anxiety. Not just social: I found people who shared my topical interests/concerns, so conf was more productive for me. I don't think it's effect my local circle, but then I do make a point of txting/emailing/showing up in person to maintain those ties.

The casual, "Oh I know someone who would be interested' is very handy when it's true, but annoying when someone links me in to a topic I don't care about. Also I never feel like I've finished reading my FB; endless scroll = continuous dopamine spurt = nothing else gets done.

I sure hope the superior earplug works! I find out tomorrow.

[luzula]

Ouch. I hope it will be worth the pain.

Reminds me of this: I recently went along with a friend who wanted moral support at her gynecologist appointment. Apparently her last gynecologist had thought that saying "you have to relax!" in an accusatory voice was a helpful thing to do, and as a result she now has issues with going to gynecologists.

[jesse_the_k]

Ugh. That behavior is simply unacceptable. I hope the newer gyn accepted your presence with equanimity.

(I always bring someone along on doctor visits; ramps down my anxiety 150%)

[firecat]

What is compelling about Metafilter?

Ugh I'm sorry about the audiologist experience.

It's distressing to know that regular earplugs make hyperacusis worse.

[jesse_the_k]

Good news and bad about MetaFilter is the same thing: watching >5000 smart people discuss anything, including how they're discussing it. Many of the frequent posters present ideas new to me, or old ideas in shiny new bottles. But many other are the same old shit. Thanks to steadfast and loving pounding by the stainless swords of correction, there's been a dramatic improvement in the discourse level: raw sexism and racism are down; trans hostility is still there; gay as in gay male is universally celebrated; lesbians and bi people are invisible; disablism is barely acknowledged. So, all in all not a warm place. A place where an energetic, nay manic person like myself cannot keep on top of new content when refreshing every 10 minutes. Endless

Finally got the earplugs. Verdict after day 2: hey, this might actually work. I'm looking forward to the day when they're comfortable. They're "only" -15 dB, but that's enough to take the edge off. Lawn mowers are humming, not screaming; buses are like cheerful steam trains, not tilt-a-whirls.

Hand-in-hand with Dr DuckDuckGo, it seems there are minority opinions about hyperacusis. For example,
http://www.hyperacusis.net/resources/2014jastreboffdst.pdf

[firecat]

Hm, I'll check out metafilter. I'm always looking for something to replace what Usenet used to be. Reddit doesn't quite cut it.

Glad the earplugs are helping! Thanks for the Dr Duck search!

[jesse_the_k]

Usenet -- indeed. Metafilter was founded in 1999, and its interface can charitably be described as "better than Usenet." It's got moderators! No threading! Text-only interface!

I started to use DuckDuckGo because it still recognizes search limiters. I stayed for the absence of intrusive Google-shaping. Plugins are available for all the browsers to put DDG in the search bar.

[firecat]

No threading, boo. Moderators, yay.

I love DuckDuckGo. I try to replace "google" with "quack" if I think I'll be understood.

[jesse_the_k]

For Reasons I was rereading this post and I'm still pushing "quack" on people. Are folks recognizing any more than six+ years ago?

[firecat]

Mostly not in my experience. I'm also still pushing it, though!

[djkittycat]

Ok that sounds like horseshit to me, but then again my tinnitus & hyperaccusis is likely from playing percussion. It was using musicians' earplugs instead of the foam ones that I blame. Musicians' earplugs as they stand today only attenuate 15dB. Plus I think the way mine were made sound leaked around them.

I hope they work out better for you. (Although they are expensive & often not covered by ins. I hope she checked.)

[jesse_the_k]

Now that I've worn the musician's earplugs for a couple days, I can understand why they'd be shit for percussionists. That 15 dB attenuation makes a huge difference for continuous noise—HVAC hums no longer make me drool; riding the bus is tolerable; I can't hear the whines and squeaks of my chair at speed.

But percussion is all about fast, loud, abrupt sounds—exactly the sort of sounds the −30 dB foamies are designed for: hammers, gunshots, and so on. (Real protection against gunshots requires exterior earmuffs, but I imagine no percussionists wear them!)

Not that expensive, if it helps to preserve my sanity. I'm delighted by the crucial increment of calm they provide—but I'll see if that lasts. Right now they feel like an ill-designed dildo, tbh.