I want those weasels laughing not screaming
Saturday, December 13th, 2014 06:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jesse_the_kSo back on Valentine's Day I talked up my new exercise-and-meditation routine. I embraced the possibility of strengthening my muscles, increasing my aerobic capacity, smoothing out my moods.
In the past two months I've realized not all are possible.
In the beginning, things went great! I spent six weeks listening to guided meditations, and then became confident enough to transfer to unguided meditation. (If you're in the market for a FREE iOS meditation timer with lovely sounds and totally editable schedules, download the Maxwell Software Meditation Timer right now.) For reasons I don't yet understand I meditate every other day, instead of daily.
I kept to my almost-every-day schedule for a few months, but then my shoulder pain tore its nasty teeth into my routine. Given that my pool is also a sports medicine center, I took advantage of a "stroke clinic," and learned many things I could change to make my shoulders happier.
I've been working with a kind swim coach who's a skilled communicator. I've completely changed my crawl and flutter kick and I'm using a bunch of new core muscles. My breathing and rotation are beautifully timed. I'm still 'crawling' with my fingertips touching the water in recovery (instead of reaching for the sky as the Olympians do), but if it continues to ward off shoulder pain I don't mind looking odd. Frankly, odd is my style.
But around four months ago, I knew five-times-a-week was just too much. I cut back to three times a week (it's my sustainable frequency). But the screaming brain weasels hadn't drowned, so I crept my water time up 20 to 22 minutes. All seemed well. Then around six weeks ago I bumped up to 25 minutes. Just as I'd gradually increased my effort, I oh-so-slowly began to lose energy, alertness, and memory while increasing despair, wheezy breathing, and back pain.
For the last two weeks I was too punk to swim at all. That's a huge deal for me, because "regular swimmer" is part of my identity, stretching back before I had to stop working.
Those screaming brain weasels spent 14 days chasing me around my house, hectoring me to quit being lazy and hit the pool. Finally yesterday I screamed back that I was taking a fucking vacation so shut up. Even disabled people get to take vacations.
The water did feel fabulous when I dove in today. As I reached up to start my stopwatch, it finally floated up that I'd increased my time to 25 minutes and maybe that had something to do with how terrible I was feeling!
Make those weasels laugh! I had tripped myself, yet again. But I also reset the timer for 21 minutes, and maybe I'll spend a year just enjoying the swimming as I'm doing it. Lose the aspirational nonsense for a while, let the pool be a place I go and let go, flow, float, flutter, and visit with my gym-sisters.
In the past two months I've realized not all are possible.
In the beginning, things went great! I spent six weeks listening to guided meditations, and then became confident enough to transfer to unguided meditation. (If you're in the market for a FREE iOS meditation timer with lovely sounds and totally editable schedules, download the Maxwell Software Meditation Timer right now.) For reasons I don't yet understand I meditate every other day, instead of daily.
I kept to my almost-every-day schedule for a few months, but then my shoulder pain tore its nasty teeth into my routine. Given that my pool is also a sports medicine center, I took advantage of a "stroke clinic," and learned many things I could change to make my shoulders happier.
I've been working with a kind swim coach who's a skilled communicator. I've completely changed my crawl and flutter kick and I'm using a bunch of new core muscles. My breathing and rotation are beautifully timed. I'm still 'crawling' with my fingertips touching the water in recovery (instead of reaching for the sky as the Olympians do), but if it continues to ward off shoulder pain I don't mind looking odd. Frankly, odd is my style.
But around four months ago, I knew five-times-a-week was just too much. I cut back to three times a week (it's my sustainable frequency). But the screaming brain weasels hadn't drowned, so I crept my water time up 20 to 22 minutes. All seemed well. Then around six weeks ago I bumped up to 25 minutes. Just as I'd gradually increased my effort, I oh-so-slowly began to lose energy, alertness, and memory while increasing despair, wheezy breathing, and back pain.
For the last two weeks I was too punk to swim at all. That's a huge deal for me, because "regular swimmer" is part of my identity, stretching back before I had to stop working.
Those screaming brain weasels spent 14 days chasing me around my house, hectoring me to quit being lazy and hit the pool. Finally yesterday I screamed back that I was taking a fucking vacation so shut up. Even disabled people get to take vacations.
The water did feel fabulous when I dove in today. As I reached up to start my stopwatch, it finally floated up that I'd increased my time to 25 minutes and maybe that had something to do with how terrible I was feeling!
Make those weasels laugh! I had tripped myself, yet again. But I also reset the timer for 21 minutes, and maybe I'll spend a year just enjoying the swimming as I'm doing it. Lose the aspirational nonsense for a while, let the pool be a place I go and let go, flow, float, flutter, and visit with my gym-sisters.