I want those weasels laughing not screaming
Saturday, 13 December 2014 06:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jesse_the_kSo back on Valentine's Day I talked up my new exercise-and-meditation routine. I embraced the possibility of strengthening my muscles, increasing my aerobic capacity, smoothing out my moods.
In the past two months I've realized not all are possible.
In the beginning, things went great! I spent six weeks listening to guided meditations, and then became confident enough to transfer to unguided meditation. (If you're in the market for a FREE iOS meditation timer with lovely sounds and totally editable schedules, download the Maxwell Software Meditation Timer right now.) For reasons I don't yet understand I meditate every other day, instead of daily.
I kept to my almost-every-day schedule for a few months, but then my shoulder pain tore its nasty teeth into my routine. Given that my pool is also a sports medicine center, I took advantage of a "stroke clinic," and learned many things I could change to make my shoulders happier.
I've been working with a kind swim coach who's a skilled communicator. I've completely changed my crawl and flutter kick and I'm using a bunch of new core muscles. My breathing and rotation are beautifully timed. I'm still 'crawling' with my fingertips touching the water in recovery (instead of reaching for the sky as the Olympians do), but if it continues to ward off shoulder pain I don't mind looking odd. Frankly, odd is my style.
But around four months ago, I knew five-times-a-week was just too much. I cut back to three times a week (it's my sustainable frequency). But the screaming brain weasels hadn't drowned, so I crept my water time up 20 to 22 minutes. All seemed well. Then around six weeks ago I bumped up to 25 minutes. Just as I'd gradually increased my effort, I oh-so-slowly began to lose energy, alertness, and memory while increasing despair, wheezy breathing, and back pain.
For the last two weeks I was too punk to swim at all. That's a huge deal for me, because "regular swimmer" is part of my identity, stretching back before I had to stop working.
Those screaming brain weasels spent 14 days chasing me around my house, hectoring me to quit being lazy and hit the pool. Finally yesterday I screamed back that I was taking a fucking vacation so shut up. Even disabled people get to take vacations.
The water did feel fabulous when I dove in today. As I reached up to start my stopwatch, it finally floated up that I'd increased my time to 25 minutes and maybe that had something to do with how terrible I was feeling!
Make those weasels laugh! I had tripped myself, yet again. But I also reset the timer for 21 minutes, and maybe I'll spend a year just enjoying the swimming as I'm doing it. Lose the aspirational nonsense for a while, let the pool be a place I go and let go, flow, float, flutter, and visit with my gym-sisters.
In the past two months I've realized not all are possible.
In the beginning, things went great! I spent six weeks listening to guided meditations, and then became confident enough to transfer to unguided meditation. (If you're in the market for a FREE iOS meditation timer with lovely sounds and totally editable schedules, download the Maxwell Software Meditation Timer right now.) For reasons I don't yet understand I meditate every other day, instead of daily.
I kept to my almost-every-day schedule for a few months, but then my shoulder pain tore its nasty teeth into my routine. Given that my pool is also a sports medicine center, I took advantage of a "stroke clinic," and learned many things I could change to make my shoulders happier.
I've been working with a kind swim coach who's a skilled communicator. I've completely changed my crawl and flutter kick and I'm using a bunch of new core muscles. My breathing and rotation are beautifully timed. I'm still 'crawling' with my fingertips touching the water in recovery (instead of reaching for the sky as the Olympians do), but if it continues to ward off shoulder pain I don't mind looking odd. Frankly, odd is my style.
But around four months ago, I knew five-times-a-week was just too much. I cut back to three times a week (it's my sustainable frequency). But the screaming brain weasels hadn't drowned, so I crept my water time up 20 to 22 minutes. All seemed well. Then around six weeks ago I bumped up to 25 minutes. Just as I'd gradually increased my effort, I oh-so-slowly began to lose energy, alertness, and memory while increasing despair, wheezy breathing, and back pain.
For the last two weeks I was too punk to swim at all. That's a huge deal for me, because "regular swimmer" is part of my identity, stretching back before I had to stop working.
Those screaming brain weasels spent 14 days chasing me around my house, hectoring me to quit being lazy and hit the pool. Finally yesterday I screamed back that I was taking a fucking vacation so shut up. Even disabled people get to take vacations.
The water did feel fabulous when I dove in today. As I reached up to start my stopwatch, it finally floated up that I'd increased my time to 25 minutes and maybe that had something to do with how terrible I was feeling!
Make those weasels laugh! I had tripped myself, yet again. But I also reset the timer for 21 minutes, and maybe I'll spend a year just enjoying the swimming as I'm doing it. Lose the aspirational nonsense for a while, let the pool be a place I go and let go, flow, float, flutter, and visit with my gym-sisters.
(no subject)
Date: 14/12/2014 05:17 pm (UTC)Anti-weasel needs vs other bodily needs are something I'm working on myself right now. Running is still my main anti-weasel physical activity, plus a martial arts class. The Cold From Hell took out my ability to do all of these things for awhile, and I'm still trying to figure out what I can do to ward off the weasels and get back to my previous distances without upsetting a still-healing body. Not sure how far I want to go with aspiration either. I'd like to up the distance a bit, but not overextending myself and keeping the activity fun, rather than a chore, is important for me.
(no subject)
Date: 15/12/2014 02:50 am (UTC)Fun is key: up until recently, swimming was its own reward.
The weasel-exercise interface is particularly challenging. Until I married swimming, I felt the need to hector myself about exercising, pretty much recruit the worst of my weasel choir to drive me forward. (Well, before that, I designed 3 to 5 mile walks into my schedule; no longer possible.)
I've flirted with a few gym tools, and the rowing machine was delightful. It was easy to develop a gentle reciprocating rhythm, and I found breathing free and relaxed. The recumbent cycling machines are also grand, if one's labia are up to the challenge. The big plus for these machines is one can work out for exactly how long one's feeling it. With acoustic, outdoor running, it's easy to get stranded as you recuperate.
(no subject)
Date: 14/12/2014 06:00 pm (UTC)Brain weasels... feh!
(no subject)
Date: 14/12/2014 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 14/12/2014 10:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 15/12/2014 02:52 am (UTC)I'm hoping I can find the balance, too. It's important to remember that just because I've failed doesn't mean I can't succeed again; your kind thoughts will help.
(no subject)
Date: 16/12/2014 06:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 18/12/2014 11:02 am (UTC)oooh, stroke coaching. brilliant!