jesse_the_k | rant: Why "disability friendly" as access statement is terrible

This is an initial draft -- comments welcome! In particular, I'm addressing "wheelchair friendly." I lack the experience to address sensory friendly.

Friendly replaces refined technical standards with a smile and a shrug
Friendly scoots around the scary term disability
Friendly opens a space for “friendly” intruders bearing advice
Friendly hints that one person thought this would be nice, instead of an org or group society committing to inclusion
Friendly reflects glory to the organizers while already defining those of us experiencing barriers as unfriendly and unappreciative
Friendly invokes a willingness to give and take that attaches to friendship, instead of recognizing disabled people have specific rights to equivalent access
Friendly assumes we welcome any sort of new friend because we’re broken/pitiable/can’t make friends on our own
Friendly starts a conversation at the emotional level instead of the structural level. If someone advertises a place as “wheelchair friendly” and I don’t find it accessible my request for access is already framed as “unfriendly” hostility

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ex_flameandsong751

Oh THANK YOU, my teeth are always on edge when I hear the word "friendly" re: accessibility and this outline articulates why.

From:

horse_spirit

Same. This is great.

From:

jesse_the_k

resonated!

In 1991 when the first ADAAG guidelines were promulgated, every commercial building in my town rushed to post a blue-and-white decal by the front door with the blue wheelchair stick figure. Nothing else changed, just the sticker. Performative acknowledgement of civil rights doesn't count for nothing.

From:

sheafrotherdon

This is really powerful! Thank you for writing it.

From:

jesse_the_k

....so low and slow wins again.

From:

pauraque

We also have this problem with medical providers who tout themselves as "trans friendly", which does not necessarily mean "having actual knowledge of or experience with trans people".

From:

ex_flameandsong751

From:

jesse_the_k

That's so damn wrong.

From:

kalmn

I have found something similar with "intersex friendly", which seems to mean "can reliably spell intersex", not can helpfully and/or usefully treat intersex people.

From:

jesse_the_k

There's definitely a common theme here: the "friendly" is about the provider, not the service. The provider will only maintain friendliness until the service user pipes up with what they need, at which point service users become "hostile."

From:

isis

I like it, especially the last point. I think a lot of people think it's softer and therefore more pleasant language, but you're totally right, we don't want you to be friendly, we want you to be accessible - it is a matter of practicality and not one of emotion.

I don't actually understand your point #4 in that I don't see why it implies a single person rather than a group. (Everything else is clear to me!)

From:

jesse_the_k

Yep, that one stumbled due to cut'n'paste instead of actual editing.

I'm trying to convey that it's an easy out to declare, "I'm friendly" -- one person can do it.

The initial ADA regs (1991) required all affected organizations (a very large group) to nominate an ADA coordinator to analyze system-level barriers. Those people have all retired.

But without as much bureaucratic mumbling.

Perhaps it doesn't need saying?

From:

isis

Maybe something like, Friendly connotes an informal approach rather than an organizational commitment?

Though that's somewhat related to (how I read) your first point.

From:

jesse_the_k

Having slept on it. I think it's better to go expansive. Instead of trying to craft pithy sentences that cover multiple cases, I'll build a taller stack of ideas to make my point.

/goes back to thinking.

From:

cmcmck

'Trans friendly' makes me squirm in the same way!

From:

jesse_the_k

It's the same desire to appear useful without the investment to be useful.

Are there anti-squirmy terms which signal a better-informed, respectful, and knowledgeable person/approach?

From:

cmcmck

People just don't need to be fuzzy, just try to be supportive.

Things like: 'I'm trying to understand but please tell me if I get it wrong' but that's true for a lot of things like this.

From:

ng_moonmoth

Gets me thinking of places that describe their one-holer as "gender-neutral". Although it's fine that I can use it without being accused of being in the wrong bathroom, the vibe I get from that description is that this room is for nobody's gender. I more fancy "gender-inclusive", which comes out feeling like it's for "everybody's gender".

Now, let's get to the places where this is also their single accessible toilet. I don't like the feeling that I may be keeping someone with no other option from their urgent duties, and also the feeling of othering that comes from having being uncomfortable in a cis bathroom lumped with conditions requiring physical support.

From:

cmcmck

I transitioned at fifteen fifty years ago and have always used the fitting gender facilities on the basis that if I ain't saying, how do they suppose they'll know? Ladies' loos have cubicles after all and I'm 5'6" and slight........

From:

ng_moonmoth

Glad you're able to use the gender-specific restroom that aligns with your gender identity without getting hassled. I don't always feel comfortable using the one that matches my crotch, and don't think I'd ever feel comfortable in the one that doesn't -- which has never been my gender identity. So I'll always prefer a place where anyone can go in and do what they need to do, and favor that option even when a gender-specific facility wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

From:

cmcmck

I brought my gender into alignment at 21 in 1978.

I was born with the intersex condition PAIS so something badly needed to be done- 95% of people with the condition are female whatever their body may say to the contrary- and what did it know? :o)

From:

jesse_the_k

Do all-gender or any-gender feel as welcoming as "gender inclusive"?

From:

ng_moonmoth

Those would work. Same general concept of anyone's gender being included.

From:

esteefee

right on, on all counts.

prefer Accessible by far.

From:

jesse_the_k

Perfect icon is perfect, as always.

From:

esteefee

From:

fred_mouse

Have you addressed 'I'm not after friendly, I'm after professional' in there? (sorry, I've read them, I'm just spacey tonight). Ditto 'respect'.

From:

jesse_the_k

I've tried, but I'm not sure :,)

I'm going to make some changes -- I'd love it if you could comment on the second version, if and only if you have the energy.

From:

fred_mouse

If I see the second draft at a point that I have spoons, will attempt to make coherent comments.

From:

luzula

Interesting! And probably part of a wider thing where soft, fuzzy phrases are easier than actually committing to whatever it is that needs committing to.

All of these make sense to me except 7, which I don't quite understand?

From:

jesse_the_k

With #7 I'm hoping to communicate several things:

Friendly assumes we welcome any sort of new friend because we’re broken/pitiable/can’t make friends on our own

a: when I need access, nondisabled people act like I'm a needy child -- therefore I need coddling, not action

b: growing up in US, I learned I had to "help the handicapped," because they deserved pity. School age kids, in particular, were taught the answer comes from personal involvement, not structural support.

c: since we're presented as broken, the nondisabled person's role is "fixing." since few people have the expertise to actually design access, "being friendly" is the only fix on offer.

Does that make more sense?

From:

luzula

Oh, now I get it! I was reading the "we" as referring to the business, that's why I couldn't make sense of it. ETA: Not sure why I did that, given that there's an earlier "us" that clearly refers to disabled people. Oh well!

Edited Date: 2022-07-24 06:20 pm (UTC)

From:

soc_puppet

You know, it was incredibly convenient that this (properly captioned!) post about Stella Young just came up through my Tumblr queue in the past 24 hours. Opening quote: "No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp."

From:

jesse_the_k

Stella Young was such a great thinker and speaker!

(I bet it's not coincidental -- tomorrow marks the 32nd anniversary of the signing of the Americans with Disabilities Act.)

/o\ headdesk -- you know this already. I have just proved how poorly I connect online identities.

Edited Date: 2022-07-25 11:02 pm (UTC)

From:

sasha_feather

This is great and very thought-provoking!

From:

sasha_feather

feedback as requested!

"Friendly" is vague, and doesn't mean the same thing to different people.

I think it's ok to use it as a personal statement of experience, like "this lamp is migraine friendly (to ME)" but not as an official statement.

From:

wpadmirer

Friendly. Oh Good Lord. Have the people at AO3 not entered the 21st century?

Disability friendly infers we see you and we smile and welcome you but you don't necessarily take any steps towards accommodating you.

From:

jesse_the_k

May I quote Disability friendly infers we see you and we smile and welcome you but you don't necessarily take any steps towards accommodating you. in my final version?

I'm missing the AO3 connection though -- can you expand?

From:

wpadmirer

Meaning in terms of accommodating disability, beyond being friendly they feel no need to take any action. Much in the same way they address minority participation.

Also sure, you can quote me.

Edited Date: 2022-07-31 02:00 am (UTC)

From:

jesse_the_k

Ah, yes -- now I get it. they feel no need to take any action seems to be the standard AO3 response to change.

From:

shannnon_foraker

I have heard from a person who uses a screen reader that they can use it on Ao3 pretty well, minus works with fancy skins. Just covering that part of things.

Edited Date: 2023-08-15 03:37 am (UTC)